Reflections on lockdown

Still inside
Still inside
Still inside, my house, my mind.

The first few weeks were a novelty. Time poured over us and thoughts poured into us like honey. When life stops and you get a chance to breathe and think with clarity about things you like to do, building your sanctuary seems easy. ”What do you want to do, now you have so much time for you?”
Self-sufficiency. Just me? Easy.

I had a plan.
Stock up on art materials, reading books, wine. Wait it out, creative and cool, safe from the breaths that drift and cling and choke. What a haven it would be, full of music and meandering. Yogic flows and “this isn’t so bad”, days filled with FaceTime and lay ins. Denial? Fine. So be it.

Went for a run - Strava. More running - Strava. Knee-pain - bollocks - Strava. How lucky, that my favourite things can be found and achieved within the space of four walls - words, films, paints. I’m going to read French. I’ll bake and cook and eat and drink. Quiz one, quiz two - “Did Carole Baskin kill that guy?” “Who knew there were so many tigers in America?” Quiz three - (sick of quizzes now). No flour in the ruddy shop - the carrot cake will have to wait. So simple, tick tock. Isn’t time flying?

Three more weeks of lockdown, they say.
Oh.

Time starts to tease and linger too long.
The lethargy has started. The news keeps bleeding out. Hours spent on my phone gnawing away at me - guilt - and the desire to see something, someone new. To hug someone. I feel a bit tired. Each day is focused on trying to do something productive - so far so good, but there are moments of ‘meh’. The running helps, the dodgy knee doesn’t. I’m thankful to live with friends but am retreating when necessary. How strange that life can change so quickly, this peculiar new existence all came about so fast, a sip of Dystopia in our everyday lives. All we have to do is stay inside. We are the lucky ones, but it’s not a complete breeze - the birds are still singing though, they have more air to breathe.