How to approach a conversation about tutoring with your child.

Thinking about hiring an English tutor for your child? But unsure how to approach the conversation with them? It can be a sensitive topic. You want to boost their confidence and academic results, but admitting they might need a helping hand isn’t always easy. Here are a few tips to getting started.

The Classroom climate, right now

UK education is in crisis at the moment. With overstretched teachers, skeleton funding and behavioural difficulties blighting classroom learning environments, classroom teaching is simply not meeting the learning needs of many pupils. Due to proposed 2.8% teacher pay rises, ‘School Cuts [have] predicted that 76 per cent of primary schools and 94 per cent of secondaries will not be able to afford their costs next year. This leaves a funding gap of £700 million.’ Despite their best efforts and genuine care for their students, these pressures are driving many teachers to exit the classroom altogether and are leading to poor health outcomes and long-term sickness for those that remain, causing further instability and disruption to relationships and routines in the classroom. The current curriculum is so content-heavy that the pace of learning in schools remains frenetic and intense in a bid to cover all content in time for exam season. And many exam papers require an average reading access age of 15 years and 7 months (National Literacy Trust), yet national reading charities are reporting falling Literacy levels and reading engagement year on year: ‘Fewer than 3 in 10 (28.0%) children and young people aged 8 to 18 said that they read daily in 2023’.

But try not to catastrophise - remember what you can and can’t control

The current context in state schools is vastly different from many parents’ own experiences of school and it can be easy to enter into a catastrophising mindset which young people can absorb. Frequent verbalisation of your frustrations with the system might lead them to feel disillusioned and quit trying altogether, thinking there is no hope for them in the current climate. While it may be helpful to remind yourself that there are many external contextual factors that may be contributing to your child’s struggles, it is also helpful to remind yourself that many of those factors are beyond your control. Instead begin to identify what you can control, build a plan of positive action and be proactive.

If a student is aware they are struggling academically, first ask open-questions, listen and really hear

This type of conversation might be prompted by poor report grades or predicted results being way off a students target grade, or perhaps your child has opened up about having ongoing difficulties in a particular class. It is important that we extend compassion to young people in the current educational climate by listening to the student’s lived experience and validating their feelings. It is important to hold back from offering advice whilst they are explaining themselves, so that the child feels heard and validated but not judged or censored. Where parents are busy working, children may be conscious of parental tiredness or stress, so may need a safe space to open up and be honest and vulnerable about their experience. This may take time or several attempts. The chat might begin with questions like: ‘How are you finding English lessons at the moment?’ or ‘What are you working towards in English at the moment?’ or when something is noticeably up: ‘What do you want to say that you feel you can’t say?’

Giving space and time to really listen and be present is important, as is modelling vulnerability and a growth mindset. Use relatable analogies - for example, young people can relate to the idea that every year a car has to have an M.O.T. and service to keep it running smoothly and ensure its drivers feel confident to drive. If the engine is stuttering or something is not quite right under the hood of the engine, then it’s a smart idea for a car mechanic to take a look, identify the problem and get the car back running smoothly again. A tutor is a bit like a car mechanic. With the right tools and expertise to help things run smoothly as possible so that people can enjoy their learning journey a little more (or, where it’s not possible to enjoy the journey, at least get from A to B without worry!)

If a student can generally articulate what they have been studying but not what they are working towards, they might need some support to link learning to broader goals and exam specification requirements at GCSE level or beyond. It may be helpful to have a brief email exchange or phone conversation with a class teacher to identify the elements a student could work to access the next grade, and then find a supportive tutor that the child feels comfortable working with to get them back on track.

If a student is not aware they are struggling academically, or is demotivated

Some students may not be very motivated to improve their grades. Particularly if they are already feeling overwhelmed or very left behind in the classroom. It is important that parents don’t put more pressure on the child but instead try to incentivise learning through positive reinforcement. Introduce the notion of tutoring casually using the car analogy, but go further by linking outcomes to something the child is motivated by. This could be a treat or incentive in the short term, or perhaps longer term a conversation around their plans for their future studies, their possible career ideas and so forth. The question: ‘what do you want your life to look like in 2 years, 5 years, or 10 years.’ can be particularly helpful here. Identifying personal goals in your child’s life and mapping some possible routes to getting there can help sell the idea of tutoring to a more reluctant learner. It might also be helpful to identify the child’s personal strengths and weaknesses, by using Ikigai-inspired questions like:

What are you good at? 

• What are your strengths and skills?

• What do you get complimented on the most?

• What parts of school do you find easiest/hardest?

• What are your unique talents?

What do you love? 

• What activities make you feel alive and joyful?

• What school activities do you struggle with? Why?

• What do you like about yourself?

• What are your personal qualities and goals?

What does the world need? 

• What issues in your community, at school, or in the wider world touch you emotionally?

• What social good could you do through your future work?

What can you be paid for? 

• What lifestyle do you want to live?

• What jobs can support that lifestyle?

What's holding you back? 

• What barriers do you need to overcome in that class/subject?

• What's the price you could pay if you don't improve your grades?

• What two-minute task could we do to start moving forward in a positive way?

Be confident about the role and value of tutoring

Tutoring is often needed to close the gap in education from what is intended to be taught by the classroom teacher and what is actually received and remembered by the learner. Some students may be able to grasp learning straight away in class, whilst others may struggle, partly understand or misunderstand the intended message or knowledge transferred - this may be as a result of external environmental factors, cognitive factors, emotional factors, absence of prior knowledge or a combination of all of these things. It is important that students are able to articulate the received knowledge in their own words, making links to prior learning and sequencing ideas by linking to their understanding of the world to engage fully with concepts. The small group / personalised nature of tutoring arrangements enables pupils to make cognitive links which are more relevant to them at a pace of learning which suits them. The role of the tutor is to support, not undermine classroom teaching, boosting students’ confidence and skill for the requirements of the exam specification. Confidence building through a nurturing approach is a foundational aspect of skill-building, increasing writing stamina, competency and autonomy through praise, recognition and actionable feedback.

Proactively plan tutoring around key milestones

Hiring a tutor at the right time will help to support student success. Typically, we recommend 8 week tutoring blocks (and beyond) to give students enough time to see improved results and to secure their knowledge base. Starting too late into exam season can be overwhelming for students, so it’s important to track back from your child’s school’s key assessment milestones for the ultimate benefit. This means most students taking mocks would benefit from starting tutoring in February-March to boost their mock results in April, and those taking core subject exams would benefit from tutoring in April-May (once mocks are over) to benefit in their GCSEs or ALevel exams. Some students prefer year-round support, whilst others opt for targeted blocks.

Georgia Adsett is a Secondary English Teacher and Tutor across KS3-5, based in the Bristol area. She holds a full DBS check, has four years teaching experience in Bristol schools and was awarded ‘Distinction’ in her PGCE at Bristol University. Tutoring costs £40 an hour and can take place online or at your home. If you’d like to enquire about availability please get in touch via the contact page.